How can you make your child tell when they are bullied?
Source: Heartmenders Magazine
By Rose Ebere
As a long-term teacher in the primary school, I have encountered several cases of bullying first hand. Bullying is not a new phenomenon. It has been an age-long thing. Bullying comes in different forms or styles. Not only children or teenagers are bullied, adults can be bullied; even a country can bully another country. But for the purpose of this article, we would be dealing with bullying concerning children at school.
Children can be bullied in their neighborhood etc. Bullying is prevalent where children or peers always gather to interact. Which is why the school is a very predominant ground where it usually occurs most times.
What is bullying? And why should a parent be concerned about their child being bullied? How can a parent discern that his or her child is being bullied even if the child refuses to talk? Is there anything a parent can do to boost his or her chances of getting their children tell them their minds and in this case tell when they are bullied at school?
According to stopbullying.gov, “Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior among school children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.”
Bullying is always intentional. And why being concerned?
The stopbullying.gov report continued, “Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious lasting problems.”
Some of the effects of bullying are:
1. It affects a child’s mental health.
2. Distorts or lowers your child’s self-esteem.
3. Causes severe emotional harm and may lead the child to commit suicide.
4. Causes emotional distress.
5. Can make the child become withdrawn and start feeling a sense of loneliness.
6. Anxiety and depression.
Briefly, the three forms of bullying we would usually see commonly are:
1. Verbal bullying: when the bullying involves primarily the word of mouth.
2. Physical Bullying: when the bullying involves physical altercations and assault
3. Relational bullying: a subtle kind of bullying which might be hard to detect; involving a peer slandering another peer amongst a group to gain undue advantage over the one talked against or to ruin their reputation or standing before others.
This type of bullying is customary amongst the youths. By this form of bullying one can damage the social status of the other or ruin their relationships amongst a group; chiefly observed among adolescent feminine ones.
It is very important you find out early enough when your child is being bullied; since there’s always a power imbalance, the victim usually can never help themselves except an adult wades in and put a stop to it. The child bullied is always totally helpless.
Most children would choose not to open up and tell their parents or an adult and suffer a long time in silence. This takes a toll on the child’s health and behavior.
Paying close attention to your child at all times is very important as this will enable you detect quickly any behavioral change in the child which will help you tell when all is not well with the child.
Some of the signs, according to stopbullying.gov, that might help you find out your child is being bullied at school are:
1. Look out for your child coming back from school looking rather ruffled with some torn school uniform or scratches and marks on their bodies which they may find hard to explain to you what really has transpired to cause it.
2. Be concerned when your child suddenly becomes afraid to go to school or enter the school bus. It might suggest to you that a bully is right there on the bus with your child.
3. Watch out when your child suddenly starts coming back home very hungry notwithstanding they go to school with a lunch pack. It may be that someone else is bullying and eating your child’s meal at school.
4. Be concerned when your child comes home and always run straight to use the bathroom or toilet. It might suggest they are avoiding doing it at school. Hidden points as the bathroom and toilet are where bullies usually love to target their victims since it will keep their acts away from many people’s notice, especially adult ones or teachers. When they are attacked at such places, they would avoid them, necessitating that they run to do it at home every time they come back.
5. Look out when your child becomes continuously moody, sad, depressed or exhibiting a certain anxiety without a known cause. Be concerned when your child suddenly becomes withdrawn and starts isolating oneself.
6. It is a sign when your child starts losing his school materials like the pen, sharpener, ruler etc. inexplicably; it might be that someone is forcefully taking away things from your child.
7. Be concerned when your child drops drastically in grades or position in the class. It might be that your child has lost concentration in their studies. A child who is being bullied might have problems concentrating.
8. Become concerned when you see your child turning to a bully at home or in the neighborhood, beating their younger siblings or neighbor’s children. It might suggest they also bully someone at school too.
To get the best of your child, you as a parent must always spend time with them. This will make them know or feel that you truly care about them.
This might be true because we all basically devote more time to whatever is important to us.
Spend time with them alone, reading to them, playing with them or taking them on trips.
When you make your children know that not even your job, friends or hobbies can come in between their relationship with you, they will always come to you whenever they have any problem thumbing their little minds.
Do not wait until you sense they may be needing your help before you start coming closer to show them that you care. They will not bare their minds with that style.
Not only spending time with them, being a good communicator is also very indispensable if you would want to hold the key to the window of their hearts to be able to unlock it anytime you want and peer in. If your child sees you as someone who would not want to listen; someone who would always judgmentally be quick in apportioning blames, whatever they would see or be facing, they would prefer suffering in silence than open up. Even when they are bullied.
They would question what sense it really makes telling you, after all, you will end up blaming them for anything.
In summary, if you would want to rely on your child telling you the whole truth about what they are facing at school and readily tell you when they are being bullied, never be too busy for them.
No matter how many children you have, make sure you give each child a one-on-one attention alone. Make all of them feel equally loved and cared for.
Make sure you are approachable to them at all times, all times.
Make them your number one priority over work, hobby, and friends.
Always listen to them no matter how trivial what they have to tell you might seem.
Show them that they are important by listening calmly to them.
Train and encourage them to speak out, you would see, they would waste no time unbuckling their little minds before you and letting you know before hand when a bully is spotted their way.
Comments